Have you ever kept quiet when a massage is causing you pain? According to the Coyle Hospitality Report on Spa Consumers, 40% of people said their very worst experience at a spa was being in pain. Ouch! That's a high number for a place that's supposed to make you feel better.
Why is that? First, there are lots of inexperienced people getting massages. They're at the spa for the first time, perhaps with a spa gift certificate. They don't know what to expect or what a massage is supposed to feel like. They're unsure of themselves before they ever get on the massage table.
And when the massage therapist goes a little too deep for them, they think the therapist is the "expert" and knows what they're doing. They don't want to say anything because it feels critical—"Hey! I don't like what you're doing!" Even when the therapist asks, "how is the pressure?" they answer, "it's okay." What they really mean is, "I can endure this for an hour."
A good massage therapist can read your body language, but they can't read your mind. A massage is a therapeutic partnership, so if something hurts or is not enjoyable, you have to speak up. If the overall pressure is too deep, just say, "Could you use a little less pressure?" If overall it's fine, but they get to a spot that is more tender than usual, say something like, "that's a little more than my body can take right there." Everyone is different, and you have to respect what feels right for you.
There's also a difference between "good" and "bad" pain. For beginners, massage shouldn't be painful. You're still getting to know your body and what you like. But sometimes therapists will go in deeper to get a muscle to release. It can be a little uncomfortable in the short-run—not quite pain, but intense—but you feel much better afterwards.
Finally, some people expect too much from one massage. A hard-as-rock guest wants a one-hour miracle and keeps telling the therapist to use more pressure. In goes the therapist with an elbow! "Is that deep enough for you?"
Massage is most successful when you get it regularly, so the muscle tissue learns how to relax and respond to touch. But according to this same study, just 60% of the respondents get just one to four massages a year. A couple of massages a year simply isn't enough to undo all the chronic tension most of us hold.
If you get two massages a month, you'll be in an elite group—just 4% of the respondents—who get more than 20 massages a year. Then, if you feel a little discomfort on the table, you'll know you're in charge. And you can tell them to back off anytime you want to.