Dating in New York City is always an adventure. You never know if a particular night out will turn into an episode of Sex and the City, The Odd Couple, or Law & Order. Wouldn't it be nice to have some expert advice on New York City dating etiquette and get some pointers on what NOT to do?
Unfortunately, I have been out of the dating game for years and was never very good at it to begin with. So I asked New York-based relationship experts, matchmakers, and authors Tamsen Fadal and Matt Titus to share some tips on how to find love (or at least a good time) in New York City. They offer unique his-and-hers perspectives on NYC dating dilemmas and put forth some great tips on just how to date in New York City.
What are the hardest things about dating in New York City? Is there NYC-specific dating etiquette that people should know about?
Matt: I have to say that New York City men have got it made. There are 200,000 more single women than single men in the Big Apple, so men are kings here! And I will be the first one to admit that most NYC men have a little bit of an entitlement issue when it comes to women.
Tamsen: I wouldn't say "kings," Matthew. But I would call them "repercussionless daters." Their mentality is such that if the woman they are on a date with isn't giving them exactly what they want, they have no problem ending the date abruptly and moving on to the next woman, who they believe is around the corner waiting in desperation to go out with them. Plus, many times these men are in absolutely no hurry to commit to one woman.
Matt: Well, why should they be? They have way too many options with all of the single women out there more than willing to go out with them. A lot of women in New York start to compromise what they really want in a man just to have a dating life. The best way for a woman to date in New York City is to keep it casual and make sure that any man interested in her understands that she is dating other guys.
Tamsen: This accomplishes two objectives. It immediately gives the message to the guy that other men are interested in her, which validates him and his interest in her. Secondly, men love to compete against one another when it comes to female attention. By telling him that he is one of many other guys vying for her attention, it will make him want to be the best of the rest and try really hard.
Where are the best places to meet great guys in New York?
Tamsen: I recommend uncontrived environments: Central Park dog runs, Whole Foods, and running clubs. Charity events and volunteer groups are also great. Chelsea Piers and Harry's Cafe on Wall Street are also very man-friendly places.
Where are the best places to meet great women in New York?
Matt: I like the fashion district and the West Village, as well as the cosmetic departments in the three B's: Bloomingdales, Bergdorf Goodman, and Barneys.
As professional matchmakers, can you share the most common dating and relationship mistakes that you see people make?
Tamsen says that men make the following mistakes:
- They do not follow through
- They ask questions about a woman's romantic past
- They have lost the ability to be chivalrous
- They do not communicate well
- They can be emotionally unavailable
Matt says women make the following mistakes:
- They call guys first
- They sleep with men too soon
- They ask the guy to define the relationship
- They are too available
- They allow everything to be on the man's terms