Tamsen Fadal and Matt Titus, our favorite New York City dating and relationship experts, answer your questions about how to find someone special in New York City, dating unavailable men, getting back into the NYC dating pool after a hiatus, and rude date behavior.
Where Can I Meet a Nice Girl in New York?
Single Guy in Soho writes: I am a 24-year-old straight male who has been living in New York for almost 4 years. I have been trying to meet a girl the entire time, but the hot ones all seem to have boyfriends. Honestly, I'm so frustrated that I am most likely going to move out of the New York area to California because of this issue. Most of the girls I meet in bars are totally obnoxious. I moved here from the South thinking that I really was going to meet lots of amazing New York women, but I feel like I'm in no man's land.
What should I do?
Tamsen and Matt say: Please don't move!! In LA, you might be running into a lot of shallow actresses that are looking for opportunity and nothing more. Stop going to meat markets and bars. Look for women in non-contrived environments like Whole Foods, or on the street or through friends. Don't give up!
Getting Back Into the New York Dating Game
Shy in Chelsea writes: For someone who has not dated for a long while, dating can be quite scary. Dating in today's society feels like a competitive sport. I have a crush on an acquaintance of mine, but I'm afraid to approach him because I haven't dated in years (just got out of a long relationship last year). Matt says women in New York make lots of dating mistakes and I'm afraid of doing the wrong thing. What's the best way to start slow and approach my crush?
Tamsen and Matt say: You need to have the right mentality when you are going to be proactive and take matters of the heart into your own hands in order to make love happen. By approaching potential love interests, you are making a statement. What makes someone interesting and unique is their behavior, not necessarily their looks.
Being open and secure enough to walk up to a stranger and try to make a relationship happen out of thin air puts you in a select group that is incredibly rare. The reaction of your potential love interest should actually be inconsequential.
Think about it, how can a complete stranger's reaction to you really affect your level of self-confidence? The answer: it can't.
Also, by approaching a stranger it shows you what kind of person they are by the way they react to your approach. If he is open, kind and secure, then maybe he is someone that is worth your time. If he is closed, unfriendly and insecure, then don't think twice about moving on. So, walk up to your acquaintance and re-introduce yourself by telling him your name and where you guys met.
Bottom line, go for it. What do you really have to lose?
Am I a Magnet for Unavailable Men?
Available on Amsterdam Avenue writes: I'm a professional 34-year-old female who seems to either attract or be attracted to men who don't ever want to get married, have kids, or be in any kind of significant relationship. Many times, I don't find this out until later and we keep dating because i really do find the person interesting. How do I change my pattern? I am not dying to get married -- I just want to find my "partner in crime" to enjoy life with.
Tamsen and Matt say: The best way to meet the right kind of men is to be very directed and streamlined in your search.
Online dating will provide you with selection criteria that are detailed to the point of allowing you to screen out those lone wolves and choose from a database of men who are looking for the same things that you want.
When He Loves His iPhone More
Miss Manners in Midtown writes: I have a question for you regarding cell phone etiquette on a date. I was out on blind date recently and the guy was a bit aloof from the beginning. Five minutes into the date, his cell phone rings and he excuses himself and takes the call outside. I wait 15-20 minutes and then get up and leave. Do you think I was too harsh on the guy? As I was leaving, I told him that this is not going to work and he said that he was on the phone with his boss. What's your take on the situation?
Tamsen and Matt say: We totally agree with you. When you are on a date, you should be 100% available for the person across the table. Nothing barring a family emergency should distract you from a date.
Cell phones, Blackberries, and iPhones should be turned off and put away. This is just a precursor for what might be in store for you if you get involved with a person like this. If he'll blow you off for a call on a first date, you don't want to know what will happen when he stops trying to impress you.