The Very Best Family Vacation Humor from The Onion

  • 01 of 11

    Study: Enjoyment Of Vacation Drops 36% For Each Additional Family Member Present

    Family Vacation Humor from The Onion
    The Onion

    Nobody takes family vacations less seriously than the news satire site The Onion, whose bone-dry humor always leaves us laughing. Not even national parks or Disney World get a pass.

    Click through for snark every family can relate to. 

    COLLEGE PARK, MD—Finding consistent results across all types and durations of vacation, from multi-week cruises to brief weekends spent camping, a report released Monday by the University of Maryland revealed that the average person’s enjoyment of their time away from work or school drops 36 percent for each additional family member present. 

    Read the entire article in The Onion

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  • 02 of 11

    Disney World Opens New Ordeal Kingdom For Family Meltdowns

    The Onion Family Vacation Humor
    The Onion

    BAY LAKE, FL—Touting the new property’s wide variety of unique and imaginative attractions, representatives from the Walt Disney World Resort announced Monday the opening of Ordeal Kingdom, a new theme park specifically designed for full-scale family meltdowns.

    Read the entire article in The Onion

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  • 03 of 11

    Mom Spends Beach Vacation Assuming All Household Duties Closer To Ocean

    Family Vacation Humor
    The Onion

    This dateline comes from the Outer Banks.

    NAGS HEAD, NC—Continuously doing laundry, cooking, or vacuuming in her family’s rented beach cottage this week, area mom Catherine Yardley has spent a much-needed vacation performing all her usual household chores while in closer proximity to the ocean, sources confirmed. “Isn’t it nice to just get away for a while and relax by the water?” Yardley said as she wiped down the kitchen counter and then took out the garbage, tasks she would normally perform at a distance of 200 miles from the beach instead of 50 feet.

    Read the entire article in The Onion

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  • 04 of 11

    Parents Worried Children Old Enough To Remember Family Vacation

    Family Vacation Humor
    The Onion

    YOUNGSTOWN, OH—Fearing that their kids’ impressions of the experience could quite possibly remain with them for the rest of their lives, parents Joel and Bethany Weyandt told reporters Tuesday they are worried their children are old enough to remember the details of their recent family vacation.

    The husband and wife said their son, Michael, 6, and daughter, Nora, 5, have both reached an age at which they are capable of forming and retaining distinct memories, stoking the couple’s concerns that the kids will be able to recall numerous details of their trip to Hershey, PA, from the oppressive heat, to the numerous barbs the parents uttered at one another, to the hours spent waiting in various lines.

    Read the entire article in The Onion

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  • 05 of 11

    Family On Edge As Vacation Has Gone By Without Blowout One Fight

    Family Vacation Humor from The Onion
    The Onion

    MYRTLE BEACH, SC—Growing more and more anxious as their trip nears its end, members of the Mosshart family confided to reporters Friday they have felt increasingly on edge knowing their vacation has gone by without a single blowout fight between them.

    According to reports, Greg and Linda Mosshart, along with their children, Olivia and Danny, have shared a small hotel suite in Myrtle Beach for almost a week and have become more tense with each passing day. The four family members have reportedly eaten all their meals together, engaged in all the same recreational activities, and spent nearly every waking hour in one another’s company, a situation they each independently confirmed had led to a steady increase in stress and aggravation, but which, they noted, had yet to devolve into an explosive altercation.

    Read the entire article in The Onion

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  • 06 of 11

    The Onion's Tips for Traveling With Young Children

    Tips for traveling with young children
    The Onion

    Family vacations can be a time for bonding and building lasting memories, but when young children are involved, trips can also be stressful to plan and execute. Here are The Onion’s tips for traveling with kids:

    • Your children should know what to expect on their first flight, so sit down with them before the trip and have a frank discussion about 9/11, its aftermath, and the resulting implications for airport security.

    Read the rest of the tips in The Onion

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  • 07 of 11

    Family Spends Relaxing Weekend Destroying Outdoors

    Family Vacation Humor
    The Onion

    ATLANTA—Feeling refreshed after three days of camping in Georgia’s Oconee National Forest, members of the Prendergast family confirmed Monday they had spent a relaxing weekend destroying the great outdoors. “It’s nice every now and then to escape from the city, get outside, and take some time to really trash nature,” said father of two Dan Prendergast, 49, remarking that the highlight of the trip was a morning hike during which his family was able to toss away their juice bottles, granola bar wrappers, and Ziploc sandwich bags at the summit of Burgess Mountain and along the banks of the Ocmulgee River.

    Read the entire article in The Onion

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  • 08 of 11

    Cracks In Facade Visible on Third Day Vacationing With Friend’s Family

    Family Vacation Humor
    The Onion

    LAKE WINNIPESAUKEE, NH—As she entered her third day vacationing with the family of friend and classmate Jessica Matthieson, 15-year-old Kayla Phelps confided to reporters Tuesday that cracks had begun to emerge in the facade of domestic harmony that the Matthiesons had consistently projected.

    ...“I used to think her dad was pretty funny, but now I’m starting to wonder if maybe his jokes are just mean. He teases Jessica’s mom a lot, and she almost never laughs along with him. When she does, I’m pretty sure she’s faking it.”

    Read the entire article in The Onion

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  • 09 of 11

    Man Desperately Wringing Every Ounce Of Relaxation From Final Day Of Vacation

    Vacation Humor from The Onion
    The Onion

    ELKHART, IN—Saying even the tiniest moment of leisure counted, local man Brian Rabe told reporters Sunday that he was attempting to wring every last drop of relaxation from the single day that remained of his time off from work...“I already made the mistake of opening a work email, and I can’t get sidetracked like that again. I’m going to read a book—better yet, read it outside so I don’t have to do a separate activity to get some sun—then move straight to video games.” 

    Read the entire article in The Onion

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  • 10 of 11

    Planning a Family Vacation

    Family Vacation Humor
    The Onion

    Summer is just around the corner, and that means one thing: family vacations. Here are some tips to make your brood's next trip a success:

    • Vacations can be educational, as well as fun. Take advantage of teaching opportunities while at places like Gettysburg Go-Kart & Waterpark and the Wounded Knee Outlet Mall.
    • If you have young teenage girls, a trip to the Far East can easily pay for itself.
    • Visit a local travel agency and load up on Caribbean-cruise brochures. Hold these brochures very close to your face for a quickie vacation-on-a-budget.

    Read the entire article in The Onion

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  • 11 of 11

    Every Conceivable Nook In Car Stuffed With Trash By Second Hour Of Trip

    Family Vacation Humor
    The Onion